Spicy Princess | March 10th, 2010

Bedsharing and Sex

One of the biggest myths about cosleeping is that it ruins a couple’s sex life. This is completely untrue! Cosleeping parents are quite capable of having a great sex life. Bedsharing and cosleeping babies don’t have to sleep with their parents at all times. They can spend the occasional few hours or evening in another room. Moreover, the bedroom isn’t the only place in the house where a couple can have sex. With a little creativity, you can have great sex whether your cosleeping kids are six weeks, six months, or six years old.

Some parents are comfortable, when their children are still babies, having sex with their little ones in the room sleeping. Babies who are in a bedside bassinet or nearby crib are unlikely to see anything. Unless you have a light sleeper, your baby probably won’t hear anything either. Even if they do, it’s unlikely that they will understand or care what is going on. If you are bedsharing, you may be comfortable having sex with your baby in bed with you–if you are lucky enough to have a large enough family bed. You don’t have to tell them, when they grow up, “We had sex with you in the same room while you were sleeping!” In fact, it’s probably best that you not! You should discontinue the practice when you feel your child is too old; opinions about that vary parent to parent.

Happily Sharing the Bed!

You can move your baby if you want some privacy in your bed or your room. It will be okay for your bedsharing babe to lay on a soft blanket on the floor, in a hamper or Moses basket, or in a bedside sleeper for a while. Your cosleeping baby will also be fine in another room in a crib, bassinet, or playpen. Just be sure that you can hear his cries. When your children are a bit older, you may have a toddler bed for them that you can place them in when you want some privacy. My son sometimes falls asleep downstairs on the sofa, and we just leave him be for a bit if we want some time to express our love alone.

Remember that there are places besides the bed and the bedroom where it is possible to have sex. You can retreat to the bathroom for a private shower, which is always refreshing and satisfying. If you have a spare bedroom, you can Christen the bed. This can be especially interesting if it is a smaller bed; see how acrobatic you can be without falling off! There’s the boring but classic couch in the living room and quite possibly the fold-out bed or futon if you’ve got one. Don’t forget the potential of the dining room table, kitchen counter, and hallway wall. If you have a privacy fence and are capable of being quiet, you can lay down a blanket and make love in the moonlight.

When the kids are old enough, you can arrange for them to go to a sitter so that you can have the house to yourself for a while. There’s also the possibility of slumber parties and sleepovers; just be sure to return the favor. You can also have a sitter come to your home while you head off to a hotel. That makes for a great change of scenery. You don’t have to stay the whole night, just a few hours. You could even have the sitter watch them at home for a minute, then bring them to the hotel after you have some grown-up time, so that they too can enjoy the free HBO and swimming pool. You can have a date night and quickie family vacation two-for-one.

The evenings aren’t the only time for romance. If your baby falls asleep downstairs, you can sneak upstairs for some action. Have a quickie in the bedroom while your toddler naps on the couch. Once your kids are older, there will probably be times during the day that they play outside or at a friends’ house. Take advantage of the opportunity, just be sure that someone is supervising the kids. If they are in activities like junior sports or scouts, have a fellow parent that you trust take them to the meeting that day, and return the favor.

Children don’t cosleep forever. Some will transition to their own bed and room after two years, and some will stay in the family bed until age five or older. No matter what your sleeping arrangements are or how long you cosleep, you can continue to have a great sex life. Just put in a little effort, and use your imagination. There’s no reason why cosleeping has to interfere with your relationship and its intimacy!