Same old, same old…

You’re probably thinking I mean “Same Old, Same Old…” position, style or sexual routines, but actually, I was thinking about arguments. Not even so much arguments so much as disagreements. The same one, over and over and over.

Ranch Boy and I have a very peaceful coexistence. More fun, silly and joyful than tense and angst ridden. We don’t fight. Well, we do, but not very often, really.

It’s just that when we do, it’s the same disagreement each time. Like we have a script. We use the same tired voices and words as we run through our parts. There’s no yelling, or meanness. Just disconnect. (There is NO yelling, ever…weird for me, but that’s another story)

We’re had one recently. The you-work-too-much-and-don’t-keep-your-word-about-the-days-you’re-taking-off script.

Sometimes it’s the you-don’t-finish-anything-to-completion script.

Or the we-need-a-better-bill-paying-system script.

You know…those! I’m sure you and your partner have your own versions of them. While they aren’t horrible on the surface, they still bring up lots of uncomfortable feelings underneath. Feelings of abandonment, of being insignificant, of being unloved.

I’ve had that other kind of marriage, the one where every word is louder than the one before, until it escalates into a screaming match. Where you can’t, or he can’t, do anything right cause there is no right to be done. But this marriage is different. This is the best connection, the best relationship, I have ever had.

I think that’s why its so disconcerting. To feel so connected and then, bam!  NOT! Feels adrift and unsafe and scary.

Tolerating it works for some time. I know it’ll be better, just give us an hour or two… because really, we like each other better than we like anyone else.

But, there HAS to be a better way! I just keep thinking there has to be a more permanent answer. A way to work through those scripts, and maybe find the others lurking right behind them. It’s not that I’m saying that we’ll ever get rid of disagreements, but that having the same one over and over is boring. If we’re going to have them, at least I want NEW arguments, DAMN IT! *grin

Though I do want to take a sec and recognize what a big deal it is that I can even step back enough, or have the space (yeah, I know, SUCH a hippie word) to consider this rationally, instead of simply going off. It gives me hope. After all, I’ve gone from maddeningly dysfunctional to relatively functional with only a few bumps. That’s progress!

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