The Spicy Princess » Just Me

Vulnerability and Orgasms

Spicy Princess — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:42:36 +0000

For an in-your-face sex toy pusher, I am pretty conservative when it comes to talking about sex. Seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it?

I am great when it comes to talking about clitorises (or is that clitorii?), with a crowd or anal sex at a party, or even one on one about YOUR issue, but when it comes to talking about my intimacy stuff, the “real” juice stuff, with my Ranch Boy, I can be pretty shy. Not so much the exploits, but the feelings, the actual sensations, the what I really like.

That doesn’t mean I don’t go there, cause of course, I do. But I am often blushing inside.

This is “normal” of course. Vulnerability makes us all a little uncomfortable, even those of us who practice it for a living. And this can be good, or it can keep us from learning and exploring more of what we need. Especially if we use it as a shield. Protecting ourselves from possible hurt can keep us from really connecting to each other.

The more willing we are to reveal ourselves, not only does the relationship bloom, but sex gets better. There is less to hold back, to be careful of, and we can truly let go.

Is having remarkable, over-the-top orgasms worth opening yourself up? Tell me.

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Hot Affair: How much work does a relationship need?

Spicy Princess — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:29:26 +0000

The Hot Affair Experiment.

A while back we started the Hot Affair experiment. About trying one relatively small task at a time, to get the thrill back. You can pick and choose as they come along, or you can try each one and see if you get where you’re looking to go. One rule: No Pressure! There are no shoulda, woulda, coulda’s in this experiment.

Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?

#1 Pampering Yourself

#2 Swallowing the Snark

#3 Rituals. Traditions.

I had this conversation on Twitter this morning. (For those of you unfamiliar with Twitter, it’s a Social Media outlet that operates much like a cocktail party where people are talking in 140 character sentences, or tweets). Sometimes on Twitter there are text-like abbreviations. For ease of reading, I have fixed these and filled in the blanks.

EC: The only relationship test you need–what is your baseline happiness level when you’re together? (Are you trying too hard to “make it work”)

SP (me): Relationships shouldn’t be hard work. If they are right, they just need time and friendship. If it’s work, it always will be.

CM: I wish I knew that 20 years ago. Totally agree. The work of a good relationship is different than a struggle.

SP: The “work” when it’s good, is really about making sure to spend time enough together, just being. We are all so busy, we can forget.

EC: YES. And it’s easy to talk yourself out of that when you want it to work so bad (for fear of being alone, insecurity, etc).

SP: Yes. Unfortunately, just wishing never makes it work. And sometimes physical chemistry is mistaken for liking them.

EC: Like, am I happy when you come home? Yes? Awesome. No? Then that’s never really going to change, with “work” or not.

SP: For some people, “happy” is good enough. For me, life is too short to accept just “happy.” Must be AWESOME!

EC: And it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you don’t believe it can be awesome you settle, and if you settle it will never be awesome.

Most of us believe that oft-repeated line, great relationships take a lot of work, but I don’t agree.

I think great relationships are easy.

They are founded on a genuine friendship, a real liking, with a healthy dose of physical chemistry thrown in. Being in a great relationship doesn’t require ‘work’ as much as it requires time and openness.

Time means REAL time, just hanging out, going grocery shopping, making dinner, walking, even working or reading alongside one another.

Openness is just that. The willingness to open up, be real, tell the truth and allow someone to really know you.

Mixed with a strong lusty chemical attraction, a relationship will just BE great. These things aren’t work, per se, they are a way of relating.

For many of us though, it’s not as easy as that.

We confuse physical desire with liking the person, or we try to force the desire when there is no chemistry. Most of the time the warning signs are there from the very beginning.

You know you are thinking too hard, working too hard, but the desire for a relationship overrides good sense. Often, all sorts of things that are just slightly out of whack but easily dismissible at first because the sex at the beginning can be so HOT. We stay involved so we are not alone, and find that we are even more lonely than if we had stayed single in the first place.

And then there are those, like me, who never believed that relationships really could be awesome, that love was a fairytale that we were supposed to buy into. That the best everyone did was to find someone that seemed all right, that you could get along with. Not really friends, or partners, just lovers.

The problem with this is that it works. For awhile. Often for a long while. Long enough to make babies or buy a house. Get deeply intertwined. And then it can just stop working.

Most often because we recognize how much focused attention it takes daily to keep it humming along, and we just don’t have the energy for it anymore. And leaving is difficult. Some of us never do. And those of us who decide we simply can’t live that way anymore, have a lot of ‘difficult’ on the way to being single again.

This is why people say relationships take work, because if they’re not right from the beginning, they never just flow. These relationships need coddling, intervention, coaching and prodding. Just to stay at the livable level.

For me, I finally came to the realization that working that hard to be that unhappy and unsatisfied, simply was not worth my energy. At 40, life was too short to stay, so I left. I was committed to being alone forever rather than be part of a relationship that was such a compromise.

Being free was so exciting and heady. I was so happy. I dated and dated and went home to my bed and my kids and had fun.

I ended up being really lucky. I went on a date with a man who ended up being my best friend. Truly, my best friend. I had never experienced that before, man as best friend. And the sex was great too.

We’ve been together for almost 8 years, and it’s never ‘hard’ work. It’s not that we don’t argue, cause we do, occasionally. We’ve even had real fights and gone to bed mad, and disagreed about the kids and money and vitamins. I’ll admit, I’ve even slept on the couch a night or two.

But it’s not work to keep our relationship happy. Because things between us just flow easily and have since that first date when I broke my eyeglasses in two and decided to laugh instead of rant. But I do know, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to meet my Ranch Boy, I would be happy not partnered. Not that I wouldn’t have dated, and had sex. But life is too short to settle.

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Introducing Sex Toys to your Relationship

Spicy Princess — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:04:47 +0000

By Tamar Love

I know so many people who have been dying to try sex toys, but have been too embarrassed to do anything about it.

I’ve also heard from lots of people who already enjoy sex toys and would like to use them with their partners, but have been too reluctant to bring their toys to the bedroom for fear of offending their loved ones.

And I’m sure there are others out there who have tried to share a favorite toy with a partner, but were unprepared for the negative reactions they may have received. Whatever the case, it is possible to introduce sex toys into your relationship.

In fact, we recommend it … for three reasons:

Sex Toys Feel Good.

There’s no disputing that orgasms feel good. Sex toys help you have better, stronger, longer orgasms, which is always a good thing.

Sex Toys are Fun.

Most couples get bored with their sex lives at some point in their relationships. Sex toys add a bit of zest to the relationship and keep things from getting dull. Using a sex toy together can bring you closer; sharing new experiences together can be very intimate.

Sex Toys Make Sex Better.

Many women have difficulty achieving orgasms unless they receive clitoral stimulation, which can be difficult to manage during intercourse. Also, many men have trouble sustaining their erections as long as they would like.

Sex toys can help in both of those situations. They can also enhance a perfectly good lovemaking session, adding just enough “oomph” to turn a great experience into an outstanding one.

Those may not be enough.

While we think those arguments are compelling enough to convince most people, the reality is probably quite different. As much as we’d all like to think of ourselves as liberal, open-minded and adventurous people, everyone can be a little squeamish about new things.

Your partner might need some convincing. While we hope the easy approach – bring it home and plunk it down – works as well for your partner as it did for me, it’s best to discuss your partner’s feelings about sex toys before springing anything new on them.

Lies, myths and misconceptions about sex toys abound. Needless to say, most of them aren’t true. However, you should always treat your lover’s concerns seriously – especially when it comes to sex.

Be prepared to deal with just about anything, including feelings of inadequacy, emotional discomfort and ignorance. You probably won’t know your lover’s sex toy reservations until you talk to him or her, but you can anticipate a few responses to some common attitudes about sex toys.

Sex toys are for perverts, weirdoes, sluts or freaks.

All kinds of people use sex toys, including people most would consider perfectly normal. Yes, perverts, weirdoes, sluts and freaks use sex toys, but so do doctors, lawyers, housewives, teachers, accountants, bus drivers, secretaries … and just about anyone else you can think of.

Using a sex toy doesn’t make you “weird.” It just makes you have an orgasm! If your partner has this fear, suggest that he or she talk to his or her friends about it, or do some Internet research on the subject. Your lover might be surprised by how common sex toy usage can be.

Sex toys are just for masturbation.

While sex toys are commonly used for solo sex, many couples enjoy using sex toys together, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship – quite the opposite.

Usually the kinds of people who are comfortable trying new things together are open-minded, intimate, comfortable and trusting. Using a sex toy together is a good way to reaffirm the strength of your relationship. If your lover has this concern, try giving him or her a book on using sex toys to add excitement to your partnership. There’s lots of them!

Your partner will feel inadequate if you start using a sex toy.

Many people express concern that bringing a sex toy into their relationship will hurt their partner’s feelings.

It’s understandable: a huge, vibrating penis that brings you to climax every time? Who wouldn’t be jealous?

Seriously, a sex toy can give you an orgasm, but it can’t cuddle with you afterwards. Sex toys will never replace live humans. If your lover has this fear, be sensitive and stroke his or her ego a little bit. As with most relationship issues, good communication can go a long way to solving the problem.

Using sex toys can be physically dangerous.

Absolutely untrue!

In fact, sex toys can have very positive effects on your sexual health.

For example, menopausal women can use dildos to maintain vaginal tone, staving off incontinence and other sexual health issues.

Many doctors and therapists recommend sex toys to women who have trouble reaching orgasm.

And finally, a healthy relationship with your body is beneficial to your overall health. Using sex toys heightens your awareness of your body and its functions, making you more alert to abnormalities such as bumps, lumps or abrasions.

If your partner is worried about physical dangers, sit down and surf the Net together. Any sexual or general health site can assuage his or her fears.

If you use sex toys too much, you won’t have an orgasm with your partner.

We hear that one all the time! Yes, the earthshaking orgasms produced by a vibrator can be psychologically addictive, but they don’t take the place of a real person.

Think about it: most people have been using their hands to masturbate since they were young, yet they usually prefer partner sex to solo sex, don’t they?

If your partner is afraid you’ll replace him or her with your battery-powered pal, promise him or her that you’ll keep your sex life varied: try different positions, new toys, role playing and fantasy, both in partner sex and solo sex. Boredom and repetition often cause bed death.

If your relationship is solid, there’s no reason why you should need a sex toy.

As we’ve already suggested, using a sex toy with your lover can actually strengthen your relationship. You need to have a certain amount of closeness to share this intimate new experience together. Using a sex toy can be a good affirmation of that closeness.

If your lover doesn’t think you need a sex toy to brighten up your sex life, assure him or her that you don’t need a sex toy either, you’d just like to try one. Again, your local bookstore has many books on sexual intimacy. Your lover might be persuaded by one.

Buying sex toys can be really embarrassing.

We agree, which is one of the reasons we’ve created this nifty, anonymous place to buy them! Seriously, if you aren’t comfortable going to a sex shop and picking out a dildo, you have lots of other options. May we suggest clicking on Buy a Toy. Go to the store and look around. It’s as easy as that.

What if I need more help?

If you’ve addressed each of these misconceptions with your partner and he or she is still apprehensive about using a sex toy with you, take it slow, be patient and think creatively. Don’t press the issue or you might get an incontrovertible “no”!

Flatter your partner, show him or her how much you enjoy his or her body, and make the most of your sexual time together. It’s possible he or she isn’t ready for that level of intimacy yet, but with time and effort, your lover might change his or her mind.

Let your partner watch you masturbate with a sex toy. It may cause some giggles at first, but it might also break the ice and relieve your embarrassed partner of any squeamish thoughts about sex toys.

You might also try buying a book or watching a video together – your partner might be embarrassed to admit he or she doesn’t know how sex toys work; “instructional” materials can often alleviate your partners functional concerns.

We also recommend attending or hosting a sex toy party with your partner. Check out our Host a Party page… think Tupperware party with a different kind of plastic product. These parties can be a fun, painless way to introduce sex toys into your life – especially if there’s alcohol involved!

Once you are able to bring the toy into the relationship, remember a few basic commonsense tips.

Start slow.

Save the double dong or strap-on dildo for future encounters. Try a nice, simple rocket vibrator. Once your sweetie is used to the vibe, you can trade up.

Be gentle.

Your partner may like it on the rough side, but hold back a little the first few times you play with toys. There’s plenty of time to accelerate!

Talk to your partner.

He or she may have agreed to use the toy, but that doesn’t mean your lover is 100% comfortable with the idea. Talk your way through the experience. Ask your partner if what you are doing together feels good. If it doesn’t, try something else.

Use lubricatrion.

Sex toys need lots of lube to slip and slide the way they should. The last thing your girlfriend needs to worry about is whether she’s wet enough to enjoy herself. Similarly, you don’t want to risk injury to male or female partners by inserting something into a dry orifice. Keep a bottle of lube handy and use it.

Be flexible.

The toy you’ve selected might turn out to be totally wrong for your sexual personalities. That’s okay. Put it aside and try something different.

Be patient.

Your partner may agree to play with the toy, and then change his or her mind midway through the experience. That’s his or her prerogative. Be patient and try again another time. It might take awhile, but it will be worth the wait.

The important thing to remember is that your relationship is a partnership, which implies that both of you are in this together. You make the decision together; you select the toy together. If your lover feels as though he or she can trust you, things will go much better for you and your toy. Sharing the experience goes a long way to promoting that trust.

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Catching up, Discounts, etc.

Spicy Princess — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:13:40 +0000

It’s been awhile, ok maybe more than awhile since I’ve posted here. No excuses, just the demands of being a business owner, a mom and a wife. (wifely duties and such *grin)

Thought I would do a quick catch up and then elaborate later.

Pleasure Parties

Since the last Party Story, I’ve presented five Romance Workshops. They were fun, and each different from the other. I can’t wait to tell you about them. There were shoes (Sex-In-The-City type shoes, like WOW!), houseboats, mavens and queens. Oh the dish!

Coupons and Newsletters: or groveling before you

First off, I’m sorry!

If you subscribed to this blog in answer to my offer to get a 50% off coupon, it didn’t quite work the way I wanted it to. Once I thought about it, I realized my shopping cart won’t allow me to do what I had planned on.

So…

If you are already subscribed to the blog via email updates, you will get a link that will allow you to order and let me give you the discount without all that complicated stuff, in a few hours.

If you are NOW going to go subscribe via email, it may take up to a week to get your discount email. Don’t worry, It’s coming!

If you subscribe via a blog reader, I can’t give you the discount. I’m really sorry, but it just can’t work.

That’s it for now.

OK, housekeeping done. There’ll be more fun reading in the next couple of days, now that life seems to have calmed down some.

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Same old, same old…

Spicy Princess — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:28:33 +0000

You’re probably thinking I mean “Same Old, Same Old…” position, style or sexual routines, but actually, I was thinking about arguments. Not even so much arguments so much as disagreements. The same one, over and over and over.

Ranch Boy and I have a very peaceful coexistence. More fun, silly and joyful than tense and angst ridden. We don’t fight. Well, we do, but not very often, really.

It’s just that when we do, it’s the same disagreement each time. Like we have a script. We use the same tired voices and words as we run through our parts. There’s no yelling, or meanness. Just disconnect. (There is NO yelling, ever…weird for me, but that’s another story)

We’re had one recently. The you-work-too-much-and-don’t-keep-your-word-about-the-days-you’re-taking-off script.

Sometimes it’s the you-don’t-finish-anything-to-completion script.

Or the we-need-a-better-bill-paying-system script.

You know…those! I’m sure you and your partner have your own versions of them. While they aren’t horrible on the surface, they still bring up lots of uncomfortable feelings underneath. Feelings of abandonment, of being insignificant, of being unloved.

I’ve had that other kind of marriage, the one where every word is louder than the one before, until it escalates into a screaming match. Where you can’t, or he can’t, do anything right cause there is no right to be done. But this marriage is different. This is the best connection, the best relationship, I have ever had.

I think that’s why its so disconcerting. To feel so connected and then, bam! NOT! Feels adrift and unsafe and scary.

Tolerating it works for some time. I know it’ll be better, just give us an hour or two… because really, we like each other better than we like anyone else.

But, there HAS to be a better way! I just keep thinking there has to be a more permanent answer. A way to work through those scripts, and maybe find the others lurking right behind them. It’s not that I’m saying that we’ll ever get rid of disagreements, but that having the same one over and over is boring. If we’re going to have them, at least I want NEW arguments, DAMN IT! *grin

Though I do want to take a sec and recognize what a big deal it is that I can even step back enough, or have the space (yeah, I know, SUCH a hippie word) to consider this rationally, instead of simply going off. It gives me hope. After all, I’ve gone from maddeningly dysfunctional to relatively functional with only a few bumps. That’s progress!

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Fun Female Facts. Just Because.

Spicy Princess — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:30:26 +0000

It never hurts to just have a little fun.

The Numbers

* An average woman’s vagina is only about 3-6 inches long…huh…the average erect penis is 4-6 inches long!

* The Blue Whale holds the record for the largest vagina on the Earth; 6-8 FEET long!

* The largest recorded human vagina belonged to woman who was 7’8” tall.

* The smallest human vagina can be right around an inch long. Surgery can be used to change this condition. (ouch!)

* Can’t miss this one! The largest clitoris recorded is 4 ½” long & 1 ½” around!

* Biggest boobs? 44 pounds measuring 33 inches in circumference! Bet she had a bad back!

* Most recorded female orgasms: 134 in one hour!

* The longest: 43 seconds with 25 consecutive contractions!

What I bet you didn’t know…

* In 1886, a French woman was recorded with TEN individual breasts! Now, that’s a chestful… and a handful, and more than a mouthful…

* The vagina and the eyes are self-cleaning organs.

* Cleopatra used cow dung as a diaphragm. (ew!) The modern IUD was invented in 1909…

My Forte… Vibrators and Dildos

* Cleo knew sex! Legend has it that Cleopatra had 2 orgasms a day. She is also known to have invented the first vibrator. She had servants gather bees into a box then she shook the box and sat on top of it!

* Cucumbers are often associated to female masturbation, but according to the Hite Report, women prefer CANDLES for masturbation when nothing else is handy! (That seems so STRAIGHT, as in a line)

* In the decades prior to the introduction of vibes in porn, it was common practice for women to make an appointment at the doctor’s office to receive clitoral vibrations for an orgasm that would relieve mental and physical stress! (They called the condition Hysteria.)

* In a recent survey, 8 out of 10 women who use vibrators use the vibe on the clitoris to achieve orgasm rather than insert it vaginally. (That’s because only 24% of women achieve orgasm through penetration, Duh!)

The Extra Benefits beyond just the pleasure.

* Having an orgasm relieves menstrual cramps because the vigorous muscle contractions move blood and other fluids away from the congested organs. An orgasm can also help to shorten the length of your period.

* Having a bad hair day? When you make love you produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make the hair shiny and your skin smooth! (Silicone lube does the same thing, if you’re not in the mood.)

* Speaking of skin; lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering from dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes because the sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. (Silicone lube DOES NOT do this one.)

* 20- 30 minutes of sex can burn up to 300 calories; that’s equivalent to running 3 miles! It’s also safer than running… in most cases! It stretches and tones just about every muscle in the body and you don’t need sneakers!

* Sex is an instant cure for mild depression since it releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. The endorphins also RELIEVE headaches and the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. You can’t use that excuse anymore!

* The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of pheromones. The subtle, natural chemical is a sex perfume that drives the opposite sex crazy! (And an anti-depressant)

* Can’t sleep? Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world and it is 10X MORE effective than Valium!

* Kissing keeps the dentist away! It encourages saliva to wash food from teeth and lowers the level of acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

* Sex is a natural anti-histamine. It will unblock a stuffy nose and can help alleviate asthma and hayfever.

The OLD Story

*A medical book that was published in the 1890s claimed that women who masturbate tend to eat a lot of foods containing mustard and vinegar!

*Women from the Midddle Ages were discouraged from having orgasms because it was believed to make women less capable of bearing children!

We have come a long way, baby!

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Party Stories: The New York edition

Spicy Princess — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:00:40 +0000

This is where I invite you to be the fly on my Hostesses walls. Tuesdays are “Party Stories” day. I’ll regale you with the latest story, the incidents that touched me, confused me, even dumbfounded me. Be my Peeping Tabitha.

New York, New York!

Home. That’s how I think of New York City, even though I’m a committed Portlander. or is that Portlandian? Went for family, for fun and to introduce a dear friend to my hometown. And I never travel without a scheduled Pleasure Party or TEAM meeting because why waste money when I can deduct it?

The Party

This one was a little hard. And close to home, because I am related to the hostess. She is one of my absolutely favorite cousins (and I have a LOT). She has been having a hard time. Let’s leave it at that, except to say any average human being would have canceled the party. I would have still come. I would have still stayed the night and hugged her. But if it had been me, I would have said – “forget it!”

Her Friends

Oh, wonderful, loving friends. There both for their enjoyment and their needs (let’s not forget needs!), but mostly it was a love fest. A let’s-laugh-drink-wine-and-forget-for-just-a-moment love fest. Exactly what the Dr. ordered. A room full of party virgins, ready and willing to laugh, listen and ask. At one point, my cousin marveled that for the first time in weeks, she was simply sitting, relaxing, not doing anything. Except being loved. That’s what a pleasure party should really be about!

And then, we stayed up till 2am. Just me and her, talking, hugging, being together. Talking about the good stuff and the hard stuff, and the possibilities for the future. And I too felt loved. It was one of the highlights of the week. And one of the rawest. Sometimes they just go together.

The Grrr!

I’m a faller. I’ve been tripping and falling since I was a little tyke. The kind of falling where my Dad and I would be crossing Park Avenue and the next thing you know I’d be flat on the ground. No warning. No drinking, just klutziness. It comes and goes, but it ALWAYS comes back. And so, I fell. Not once. Not even twice. But three times in 2 days. KLUTZ!! So my ankles are purple, and look like old lady sausage ankles. Didn’t stop me from walking from South Ferry to St. Marks Place. But, I’m done. It hurts. No More Falling.

The Stats.

1 party. Lots of Chocolate Fondue. 3 from-scratch margaritas drunk. 0 Loudmouth Drunk Guests. 0 bookings. $885 sold. $442.50 made. Tax Deductable Week in NY -PRICELESS! Week’s rating: 10 out of 10.

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Party Stories: Naked Garden Slaves

Spicy Princess — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:06:51 +0000

Truth is every Pleasure Party is memorable, but there simply is not enough time in a week to tell you about all of them. Every weekend I do 2-4 Pleasure Workshops. Tuesdays are “Party Stories” day. I’ll regale you with the latest story, the incidents that touched me, confused me, even dumbfounded me. Be my Peeping Tabitha.

The Week

It was a slow, lazy weekend. Lots of turkey and tryptophan. No parties. How about my Naked Garden Slave story?

Naked Garden Slave

His name is Roger. It was the first offer I got when I still believed that advertising in the local paper was the way to go.

The paper was the WW. A standard alternative weekly loosely based on the format of the Village Voice. Funny Back Page ads, pages of escorts with a quirky readership. What I thought was a perfect fit.

I can’t remember the exact wording of the ad anymore. It was about 4 years ago. Something simple, inviting people to host For Your Pleasure parties or to come be on my team of Naughty Nymphettes.

Voicemail:

(Very nasally male voice with a slight drawl)

” Hi, this is Roger. I read your ad and I wanted to offer my services. I’d like to come help you out at your parties, you know… serving drinks, demoing your products. I’d be happy to come just wearing a bow tie. If not that, I’d like to be your Naked Garden Slave.”

Can you imagine my surprise? I had never heard of a Naked Garden slave as a job description before, but believe you me, I was ready to sign up! I could see it in action. A buff naked guy hauling compost, pulling weeds, picking luscious veggies. Seriously, suddenly it was clear – I needed a Naked Garden Slave. Every Spicy Princess’s dream, right?

But Roger? Ew!

Sorry Roger!

Nope, I am a lucky girl. I have a Ranch Boy (he really grew up on a ranch), who doubles as a garden slave, and happily gets naked, only not outside, and just for me. Yep, MY Naked Garden Slave.

Poor Roger. I hope he found what he was looking for.

I don’t advertise anymore. One Roger was enough.

The Stats

Have 7 parties in the next 6 days. Will have stories galore next week! See you then.

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Evangelical Pastor advocates for More Sex!

Spicy Princess — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:27:27 +0000

Ranch Boy is always looking out for me. I never know when I’m going to open my email to a link to some snarky political rant or incredulous column passed on from his dorks. This morning though, he sent a great one! From the New York Times

I’m wondering now why I stopped attending church. OK, I’m Jewish and only attended church for 6 months when I was 12 so I could spend the night at my bestfriend’s 10-kid-Irish American-Catholic-household on Saturday nights. All the kneeling and shushing and smoky incense was worth the couple of hours in return for an evening of bedlam in such a great warm house. But I digress….

I’m thinking I might consider returning now, even without that over the top breeder’s paradise, but only if I can go to Pastor Ed Young’s Fellowship Church! It would mean living in Texas, but given Jenny the Blogess lives there, I’m willing to give it a try. I am SO participating in the Seven Days of Sex Challenge. I love this guy.

Seven Days of Sex, in a row, no matter what! Take it on yourself. See what happens and let us know. I’ll tell you how it works out over here, ok? Those of you weighing the “chocolate cake” option, try a vibrator instead. You’ll be happier, and no pounds added.

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Self Righteous Princesshood

Spicy Princess — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:34:26 +0000

I can be such a jerk! “Princess” simply doesn’t cover it.

I was having a moment. A wallowing, self pitying, righteous moment. Giving in to the constant barrage of economic meltdown hysteria, covering up my not-well-done Hostess coaching by blaming the stress level of those around me. Indulging the “I’m-an-imposter-and-the-curtain-is-falling story that lives underneath my usual positive and sunny self. That pessimistic voice in my head.

“My parties are canceling, why are they wasting my time?”

“Everyone’s depressed, no one has any money, I need to find a different job”

“How are we going to pay the bills? My credit’s gonna go to hell”

“Ranch Boy’s going to have to go back to work full-time, we’ll never see each other, he’s gonna be such a grouch”

And so on, and so on…

And then she called. My one, unfailingly Pollyanna friend, McB! One heartbeat into the call, she gets a strong whiff of bullcrap and off she goes – handing me the best advice, advice I have been known to give – everything she’s got.

“You can do it. You offer a respite from the stress. You give your Hostesses and their guests a break from their daily worries and create a place of fun, friendship, laughter and sex. Parties for 2-3 people are great, more intimate, better conversation and full of promise of Bookings and Recruit leads.” And more…

You know… everything I tell my team when they are in this dark place .

And what is my response? Princess! Bitchy! Just downright un-pleasant. Being curt and difficult simply because I feel like it. Of course, she eventually stopped trying, gave up and went on with her happier day, leaving me to my doom and gloom.

My thoughts right then – Of course I CAN wallow, if I WANT. I am as entitled to Self Indulgence and Misery as anyone. What do you know? (with a flip of the hair and attitude, baby)

Of course, McB has my number. (Why do you think I picked her to be my chosen Mentor?)

Wallowing is simply not my style. It took all of about 10 minutes to notice I was organizing my office mess, and getting ready to make calls. She’s Good! REALLY Good!

And it helped more than just to get me back on track personally. I used it. That night on my Naughty Nymphette TEAM call, I unabashedly used her words to motivate my girls. And this morning, as I was doing my usual Friday morning coaching calls, I had more compassion for the “I don’t wannas” and the “It’s everyone else’s fault”.

And what do you know… those girls got it! Phone calls are being made, parties are being booked – more importantly there were a few smiles peeking through the phone lines.

Thank You, McB!