The Spicy Princess » Affair Experiment

Hot Affair: Need a break? Take a drive.

Spicy Princess — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:21:03 +0000

The Hot Affair Experiment.

A while back we started the Hot Affair experiment. About trying one relatively small task at a time, to get the thrill back. You can pick and choose as they come along, or you can try each one and see if you get where you’re looking to go. One rule: No Pressure! There are no shoulda, woulda, coulda’s in this experiment.

Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?

#1 Pampering Yourself

#2 Swallowing the Snark

#3 Rituals. Traditions.

#4 How much work does a relationship need?

#5 Be a Tease. In a good way.

Has it been one of those days? or even one of those months?

Life has been running you around and you haven’t had time to breathe, let alone take a love break with your honey.

Well, take a drive…. a sex drive at home.

Pick a time in the next three days that you and your lover will be together.

Sexual Energy Shot

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Serve some cocktails or beer, and pour a little sex energy drink into each of your last sips. This drink is a blend of plant extracts which will get your juices flowing and your libido soaring. Just what you need to get the party started!

Tasty Twist

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After you’ve gotten your partner’s attention, add to the fun with some Tasty Twist in all the right places. This tasty oral-gasm enhancer will tickle more than just your taste buds! Choose from Chocolate Mint, Buttercream Icing or Orange Creme, apply to your nipples and your clitoris then invite your partner to lick off. Add some to his penis and let him feel the tingle from his head to his toes.

Dessert never tasted, nor felt, quite so yummy.

One Touch Butterfly

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If you want a little buzz with the fun, you’ll need the One Touch Butterfly—a powerful waterproof wireless bullet encased in a beautiful butterfly sleeve. Tickle yourself and your partner in so many ways!

After a night like this, you’ll be ready to take on whatever life has to throw at you!

For a night of fun, buy these and more here

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Hot Affair: Be a Tease, in a good way

Spicy Princess — Tue, 05 May 2009 19:48:25 +0000

The Hot Affair Experiment.

Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?

#1 Pampering Yourself

#2 Swallowing the Snark

#3 Rituals. Traditions.

#4 How much work does a relationship need?

Enjoy a little sensual flirting with your partner!

Plan a nice dinner out with your sweetheart.

You’ll be feeling and looking beautiful because you’ll be wearing Pure Instinct, Sugar Lips Tingle Gloss, and SHHH! – your little secret is that underneath your clothes, you’re wearing the beautiful Butterfly Thong.

After you’ve ordered your dinner, excuse yourself

Sugar Lips Gloss

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Tell your partner you’re off to the restroom quick before the food arrives. Before you leave the table, though, give him a long, lingering kiss with your Sugar Lips Gloss on your lips. As you walk away, his lips will tingle from your gloss, and your kiss will linger on his lips even longer.

Once you’re in the bathroom

Butterfly Thong

item L2046

Remove your Butterfly Thong and put it in your purse. When you return to the table, hand the thong to your partner underneath the table. You’ll drive him absolutely wild and your evening is almost guaranteed to end in some steamy romance!

Enjoy!

Look here if you want to purchase any of the products I have suggested or to browse all the others we sell.

If this post hit the spot, take a look at these:

Hot Affair: How much work does a relationship need?

Spicy Princess — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:29:26 +0000

The Hot Affair Experiment.

Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?

#1 Pampering Yourself

#2 Swallowing the Snark

#3 Rituals. Traditions.

I had this conversation on Twitter this morning. (For those of you unfamiliar with Twitter, it’s a Social Media outlet that operates much like a cocktail party where people are talking in 140 character sentences, or tweets). Sometimes on Twitter there are text-like abbreviations. For ease of reading, I have fixed these and filled in the blanks.

EC: The only relationship test you need–what is your baseline happiness level when you’re together? (Are you trying too hard to “make it work”)

SP (me): Relationships shouldn’t be hard work. If they are right, they just need time and friendship. If it’s work, it always will be.

CM: I wish I knew that 20 years ago. Totally agree. The work of a good relationship is different than a struggle.

SP: The “work” when it’s good, is really about making sure to spend time enough together, just being. We are all so busy, we can forget.

EC: YES. And it’s easy to talk yourself out of that when you want it to work so bad (for fear of being alone, insecurity, etc).

SP: Yes. Unfortunately, just wishing never makes it work. And sometimes physical chemistry is mistaken for liking them.

EC: Like, am I happy when you come home? Yes? Awesome. No? Then that’s never really going to change, with “work” or not.

SP: For some people, “happy” is good enough. For me, life is too short to accept just “happy.” Must be AWESOME!

EC: And it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you don’t believe it can be awesome you settle, and if you settle it will never be awesome.

Most of us believe that oft-repeated line, great relationships take a lot of work, but I don’t agree.

I think great relationships are easy.

They are founded on a genuine friendship, a real liking, with a healthy dose of physical chemistry thrown in. Being in a great relationship doesn’t require ‘work’ as much as it requires time and openness.

Time means REAL time, just hanging out, going grocery shopping, making dinner, walking, even working or reading alongside one another.

Openness is just that. The willingness to open up, be real, tell the truth and allow someone to really know you.

Mixed with a strong lusty chemical attraction, a relationship will just BE great. These things aren’t work, per se, they are a way of relating.

For many of us though, it’s not as easy as that.

We confuse physical desire with liking the person, or we try to force the desire when there is no chemistry. Most of the time the warning signs are there from the very beginning.

You know you are thinking too hard, working too hard, but the desire for a relationship overrides good sense. Often, all sorts of things that are just slightly out of whack but easily dismissible at first because the sex at the beginning can be so HOT. We stay involved so we are not alone, and find that we are even more lonely than if we had stayed single in the first place.

And then there are those, like me, who never believed that relationships really could be awesome, that love was a fairytale that we were supposed to buy into. That the best everyone did was to find someone that seemed all right, that you could get along with. Not really friends, or partners, just lovers.

The problem with this is that it works. For awhile. Often for a long while. Long enough to make babies or buy a house. Get deeply intertwined. And then it can just stop working.

Most often because we recognize how much focused attention it takes daily to keep it humming along, and we just don’t have the energy for it anymore. And leaving is difficult. Some of us never do. And those of us who decide we simply can’t live that way anymore, have a lot of ‘difficult’ on the way to being single again.

This is why people say relationships take work, because if they’re not right from the beginning, they never just flow. These relationships need coddling, intervention, coaching and prodding. Just to stay at the livable level.

For me, I finally came to the realization that working that hard to be that unhappy and unsatisfied, simply was not worth my energy. At 40, life was too short to stay, so I left. I was committed to being alone forever rather than be part of a relationship that was such a compromise.

Being free was so exciting and heady. I was so happy. I dated and dated and went home to my bed and my kids and had fun.

I ended up being really lucky. I went on a date with a man who ended up being my best friend. Truly, my best friend. I had never experienced that before, man as best friend. And the sex was great too.

We’ve been together for almost 8 years, and it’s never ‘hard’ work. It’s not that we don’t argue, cause we do, occasionally. We’ve even had real fights and gone to bed mad, and disagreed about the kids and money and vitamins. I’ll admit, I’ve even slept on the couch a night or two.

But it’s not work to keep our relationship happy. Because things between us just flow easily and have since that first date when I broke my eyeglasses in two and decided to laugh instead of rant. But I do know, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to meet my Ranch Boy, I would be happy not partnered. Not that I wouldn’t have dated, and had sex. But life is too short to settle.

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Hot Affair: Rituals. Traditions.

Spicy Princess — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:34:10 +0000

The Hot Affair Experiment.

Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?

#1 Pampering Yourself

#2 Swallowing the Snark

Rituals. Traditions.

All relationships have them.

There are the rituals you have with your friends.

Like the one my High School buddy and I shared whenever I would come home to NYC for more than a couple of hours from Boarding School.

I’d quickly give family hugs and kisses and then head out to pick her up in front of her building and we’d walk. And talk, catching up with everything that had happened over the past weeks or months. One night we unwittingly walked from the upper East side all the way to Chinatown. We were teens, what did we know?

Family rituals. Those embedded generational traditions.

Even self rituals, the ones we observe when we’re alone.

We use the comfort of these longtime routines to nurture us, to validate our sense of being all right, to remind ourselves that things are as they should be.

Rituals are also a great way to carve out a special place that belongs to just you and your partner. Think about it for a minute and you’ll realize you already have some. Ranch Boy and I sure do.

Big ones

You know. The traditions that you save up for, the ones that come annually or semi annually.

One of my favorites is that since our beginning, we have taken 2-4 days (we share custody of my kids with the ex) just for us.

We run away together to our idyllic mountain retreat (ok, a ramshackle one room cabin with no dry wall, no electronica, woodstove and a small kitchen outfitted with EVERY useable antique kitchen gadget ever made. I didn’t say it was YOUR dream cabin, just mine.)

For the entire time, Ranch Boy cooks from scratch, regional Mexican food and pampers me like the Princess I am. We talk, laugh, drink huge amounts of tequila and wine, have a ridiculous amount of sex, create our year’s goals and most of all remember how much we really like each other.

There is absolutely nothing that interferes with this ritual. Not sick, elderly parents. Not misbehaving children. NOTHING. REALLY!

Little ones

These are daily or weekly, smallish type traditions that bring a smile to your face.

Like coffee in bed. Or snuggling before sleep. Or walking the neighborhood with the dogs after dinner and the kids are settled. Sharing Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann. Or Rush Limbaugh, I guess, if that’s your thing.

These are the pennies you put in your piggy bank every day, the ones that help you get through the stressful times. I can’t help but be completely dorky and say these pennies are your relationship insurance against what could be some rocky times.

Truly, these rituals are the everyday stuff that our partnerships are based on. Even the most mundane ones are an expression of the love that brought us together.

Hot Affair Action

Celebrate one of your relationship’s rituals or traditions in a conscious way. Don’t Just Do It. (Sorry Nike.)

Appreciate the joy, savor the togetherness, remember why.

or Create a new regular ritual. Regular means not less than once a week.

It can be daily, like sharing a cup of coffee, or even tequila, or weekly walk, Sunday paper in bed… Something you share, regularly. Something that makes you feel happy and warm and reminds you, and your partner, that you are loved, no matter what else is going on.

Share them with us. We will celebrate them in absentia.

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Hot Affair: Swallowing the Snark

Spicy Princess — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:18:30 +0000

The Hot Affair Experiment.

Two weeks ago we started the Hot Affair experiment. About trying one relatively small task a week, to get the thrill back. You can pick and choose as they come along, or you can try each one and see if you get where you’re looking to go. One rule: No Pressure! There are no shoulda, woulda, coulda’s in this experiment.

Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?

#1 Pampering Yourself

As we get closer to the holidays, I find myself thinking a lot about gifting. Gifting is so rife with danger. And I don’t just mean the kind you buy and put under a tree.

(One day maybe I’ll tell you about how I’m the Grinch and stole Christmas from my kids. Cause I’m Jewish. Even if I did grow up with Santa Claus and trees and shit.)

I mean gifting, like the nice thing that your partner does while you’re at work, or away, hoping to make you happy. A present of fix-it-ness.

Except you’d rather he had done the dishes and completely cleaned the kitchen, or filled the tank of your car that he’s been driving and is now flashing icons of gas pumps. Or maybe, you are happy that he fixed the window/faucet/drawer but all you can think about is “You left a friggin’ mess, g*d damn it!”

I’m ranting, I know, but be honest, you’ve been there too, right? Please say yes, so I don’t feel all alone here.

The shitty part of it is that no one wins.

Stuff actually gets done, stuff that needed to happen, stuff that at another time would probably make us happy, thrilled even. Instead, we’re annoyed, peeved. Not grateful or loving. Kind of ruins the mood, not to mention that lovely hubbie or partner will be less likely to gift again.

This week’s Hot Affair action is designed to impact your reaction so you feel happy, not crappy. (Don’t you hate rhymes in awkward places? Sorry.)

Ok, simple but really hard! Bite your tongue! I don’t mean literally, Silly. Zip the lip, count to 10, whatever it takes. Just keep the snarky comments to yourself.

You may not feel better right then, in the moment – you also won’t feel so ungrateful and hen-ish about it later. Just try it.

Extra-credit: Say Thank You. (I know, so damn predictable) Only if you feel it, when and if you do. Say the Magic Words. That’s why they’re magic.

Let me know how it goes.

If this post hit the spot, take a look at these:

A Hot Affair

Spicy Princess — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:24:44 +0000

Wouldn’t you rather be having an affair?

I don’t mean cheating. I’m not that kind of girl, (at least not anymore). I mean the thrill, the excitement-can’t swallow, swoon-at-the-sight-of, wet-panties part of a relationship. The passion, fire, chemistry. The parts that we tend to ignore in the mechanics of simply living. The going-to-work, cleaning-the-house, paying-the-bills, feeding-the-mouths mechanics.

We all remember those first few weeks, months, for some us lucky ones, years, where we would resonate with mutual electricity. How do we go back there? Can we?

I hate lists of Romance Tips or those stupidly insulting Cosmo articles that pretend it can all be made better by doing these 10 things that we don’t do specifically because we are not having a great relationship moment.

The Affair Experiment.

How about we try one relatively small task a week. You can pick and choose as they come along, or you can try each one and see if you get where you’re looking to go. One rule: No Pressure! There are no shoulda, woulda, coulda’s in this experiment.

You CAN’T have a great relationship with that other person in your life, if you aren’t taking care of yourself first.

That’s where we’re going to start. Being nice to yourself. Its trite and over used, but as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes cliches are right on the mark. That’s why they’re cliches. Duh!

Life is a bitch. That’s the way it often is. The small giving gestures of our partners can get lost in our thirst for some attention. So let’s give ourselves some of the TLC we crave, or feel as if we deserve. If nothing else, we’ll feel happier. If we’re lucky, it will help us recognize the little things our partners do, just cause.

Try one of these this week:

Pamper yourself.
Take a bath.
Build a fire.
Barter for a sitter.
Take a walk
Wrap up in your comfiest PJ’s and watch a movie.
Feed your body with YOUR favorite happy food.
Read a book.
Dance.
Be quiet for 15 minutes.
Give yourself a hug. (Here’s one from me)

Relish who you are. Be nice to all your parts. Your body, your brain, your heart.

Let us know how it’s going. Next week we’ll focus outside ourselves. But I think this has to come first.