Spicy Princess | April 22nd, 2009

It Hurts! And my dildo is lonely.

Ask The Spicy Princess

I haven’t had sex in a LONG time and now when I use my dildo it hurts. How do I reintroduce the dildo, so that when I start dating again, his penis won’t hurt? ~Jersey

Dear Jersey,

When sex hurts, it’s awful! Let’s see if I can help.

Before I can actually offer any actions, please check in with yourself to see if your body’s reaction could stem from a trauma, either physical or emotional. Our bodies take drastic measures to protect us from perceived or real threats. This means your vagina can become tight and unwilling to stretch if you have been physically or emotionally abused in a sexual manner. It’s our mind’s only defense.

If this is the case, I recommend counseling with a trained professional. I am not qualified to give medical advice and this comes very close to the line.

If you are healthy, and not the victim of sexual trauma, there are other possibilities. It is true that a woman’s vagina needs to see some action to stay healthy and open. If too much time passes between sexual episodes, your body actually closes down, gets tight and dry. Thus, pain!

In this case, you’ll want to try doing the following things:

Stretching

You will want to spend some time getting your vagina ready to have sex again. Instead of your regular dildo, purchase 2-3 dildos that start small and progressively grow in girth. For instance, You can get a set of Silks, that gradually get bigger.

The Silk-small
item 10452

The Silk-medium
item 10453

The Silk-Large
item 10454

Starting with the smallest one first, play with each for a week or so. The point here is getting your vagina used to insertion again, without stretching, and thus tearing your fragile skin. And using the successive sizes to slowly dilate your vagina should help your vagina become more receptive without pain and tearing.

Lubrication

I know I keep saying this, but there really is nothing more important than lube. Your vagina is a mucus membrane and when it gets dry, it very easily tears, and hurts.

Take some time to figure out what kind of lube you want and then make sure you use it every time you have sex, whether by yourself or with a partner.

Hopefully these things will make a difference. Let us know how it goes.

Look here if you want to purchase any of the products I have suggested or to browse all the others we sell.