Hot Affair: Rituals. Traditions.
The Hot Affair Experiment.
A while back we started the Hot Affair experiment. About trying one relatively small task at a time, to get the thrill back. You can pick and choose as they come along, or you can try each one and see if you get where you’re looking to go. One rule: No Pressure! There are no shoulda, woulda, coulda’s in this experiment.
Just joining us and want to start at the beginning?
Rituals. Traditions.
All relationships have them.
There are the rituals you have with your friends.
Like the one my High School buddy and I shared whenever I would come home to NYC for more than a couple of hours from Boarding School.
I’d quickly give family hugs and kisses and then head out to pick her up in front of her building and we’d walk. And talk, catching up with everything that had happened over the past weeks or months. One night we unwittingly walked from the upper East side all the way to Chinatown. We were teens, what did we know?
Family rituals. Those embedded generational traditions.
Even self rituals, the ones we observe when we’re alone.
We use the comfort of these longtime routines to nurture us, to validate our sense of being all right, to remind ourselves that things are as they should be.
Rituals are also a great way to carve out a special place that belongs to just you and your partner. Think about it for a minute and you’ll realize you already have some. Ranch Boy and I sure do.
Big ones
You know. The traditions that you save up for, the ones that come annually or semi annually.
One of my favorites is that since our beginning, we have taken 2-4 days (we share custody of my kids with the ex) just for us.
We run away together to our idyllic mountain retreat (ok, a ramshackle one room cabin with no dry wall, no electronica, woodstove and a small kitchen outfitted with EVERY useable antique kitchen gadget ever made. I didn’t say it was YOUR dream cabin, just mine.)
For the entire time, Ranch Boy cooks from scratch, regional Mexican food and pampers me like the Princess I am. We talk, laugh, drink huge amounts of tequila and wine, have a ridiculous amount of sex, create our year’s goals and most of all remember how much we really like each other.
There is absolutely nothing that interferes with this ritual. Not sick, elderly parents. Not misbehaving children. NOTHING. REALLY!
Little ones
These are daily or weekly, smallish type traditions that bring a smile to your face.
Like coffee in bed. Or snuggling before sleep. Or walking the neighborhood with the dogs after dinner and the kids are settled. Sharing Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann. Or Rush Limbaugh, I guess, if that’s your thing.
These are the pennies you put in your piggy bank every day, the ones that help you get through the stressful times. I can’t help but be completely dorky and say these pennies are your relationship insurance against what could be some rocky times.
Truly, these rituals are the everyday stuff that our partnerships are based on. Even the most mundane ones are an expression of the love that brought us together.
Hot Affair Action
Celebrate one of your relationship’s rituals or traditions in a conscious way. Don’t Just Do It. (Sorry Nike.)
Appreciate the joy, savor the togetherness, remember why.
or Create a new regular ritual. Regular means not less than once a week.
It can be daily, like sharing a cup of coffee, or even tequila, or weekly walk, Sunday paper in bed… Something you share, regularly. Something that makes you feel happy and warm and reminds you, and your partner, that you are loved, no matter what else is going on.
Share them with us. We will celebrate them in absentia.
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I'm Dana Corey, the Spicy Princess ... here's the rest of the story. »
just reading your blog & seeing what you are creating ,& what a good writer you have become etc.just reminds me……I LOVE YOU! p